Love at First Chat

The other night, I had a really pleasant chat with a woman on a singles website. Thankfully, she has excellent typing skills and the conversation flowed nicely. Last night we chatted some more.

Now is where I get nervous. It was off to a good start, but what does the future have in store? Will it remain as good? And to top it off, I've got a fear of rejection and therefore I get nervous about making the next step. I sometimes have the terrible attitude that it may be better not to try because then I won't fail.

(Ooh - I really should delete that last sentence because it's embarrassing to admit. I don't honestly feel, however, that it's hindered anything major in my life. I think it's normal to mainly pursue things that one will be successful with. I'm getting off-topic here so I'll shut up already.)

I'm pretty good at chatting (I think) and I could play it safe and chat some more. But what about if she offers me her phone number? Oy, I have problems with phone calls - chatting is so much easier. And I get particularly anxious about the first call. What if that original spark isn't there? It's so easy to push it off and leave the status quo which was quite good. But I know I should do it and move forward - hey, the goal is to actually meet the person and fall in love. Luckily, I rarely get rejected from phone calls with people I've chatted with - but that may be because I usually keep the first one to business: arranging the first date.

Ah, the first date. My first few after the divorce were tough for me. Not because I wasn't emotionally ready but because I had never really been on dates of this nature before. All my past girlfriends were women that I knew socially somehow for some period of time before they became my girlfriend. So online dating and blind dates are really awkward for me. I try conversing as much as possible to catch up on those months of background knowledge that I'm used to.

On my first few dates, I felt a serious pressure - probably because of certain unrealistic expectations I had for success. Luckily, I've gotten over that and have managed to have more fun on dates. But I'm still a bit nervous because I want it to work out. I want to end my online dating subscription as soon as possible. I was optimistic at first and only bought a one month subscription, but of course I've had to renew a few times. I don't want to be a life member of JDate!