Monday, February 20, 2006

Love at First Chat

The other night, I had a really pleasant chat with a woman on a singles website. Thankfully, she has excellent typing skills and the conversation flowed nicely. Last night we chatted some more.

Now is where I get nervous. It was off to a good start, but what does the future have in store? Will it remain as good? And to top it off, I've got a fear of rejection and therefore I get nervous about making the next step. I sometimes have the terrible attitude that it may be better not to try because then I won't fail.

(Ooh - I really should delete that last sentence because it's embarrassing to admit. I don't honestly feel, however, that it's hindered anything major in my life. I think it's normal to mainly pursue things that one will be successful with. I'm getting off-topic here so I'll shut up already.)

I'm pretty good at chatting (I think) and I could play it safe and chat some more. But what about if she offers me her phone number? Oy, I have problems with phone calls - chatting is so much easier. And I get particularly anxious about the first call. What if that original spark isn't there? It's so easy to push it off and leave the status quo which was quite good. But I know I should do it and move forward - hey, the goal is to actually meet the person and fall in love. Luckily, I rarely get rejected from phone calls with people I've chatted with - but that may be because I usually keep the first one to business: arranging the first date.

Ah, the first date. My first few after the divorce were tough for me. Not because I wasn't emotionally ready but because I had never really been on dates of this nature before. All my past girlfriends were women that I knew socially somehow for some period of time before they became my girlfriend. So online dating and blind dates are really awkward for me. I try conversing as much as possible to catch up on those months of background knowledge that I'm used to.

On my first few dates, I felt a serious pressure - probably because of certain unrealistic expectations I had for success. Luckily, I've gotten over that and have managed to have more fun on dates. But I'm still a bit nervous because I want it to work out. I want to end my online dating subscription as soon as possible. I was optimistic at first and only bought a one month subscription, but of course I've had to renew a few times. I don't want to be a life member of JDate!


At February 21, 2006 3:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You make a big mistake when write about it in public blog. Lot of people have "ain h'ra". It was first.
The second is, that you again afraid too much and see the empty half of glass. Yes, the probability that she isn't your type more than zero. So what? You will turn her to one of your girls-just-friends. Try to think positive. You know what to do:)
Good luck:)

At February 22, 2006 10:01 AM, Blogger Leah Goodman said...

Hey Scott.

Have a little self-confidence. You're good-looking, intelligent, fun, and talented. Any woman who doesn't see that can go in the same box with the guy who started giving me diet tips ten minutes into the first date, the guy who refused to go out with me because I was taller than he was, and the guy who ditched a friend because she was wearing nail polish...

the box of - "obviously just not right"

It's frustrating how many "just not rights" there are, but you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to get to your princess.

Thank you for helping me find my prince. I hope to return the favor soon.

At February 26, 2006 4:12 AM, Blogger JDateJoe said...

You're a good guy Scott and it's pretty evident when people meet you, so I'd say just try to be yourself.

Also, I'd say meet the other person as soon as possible. The longer you don't meet the easier it is for you to draw up your own (perhaps incorrect) image of the other person, and then it is harder to break things off if you realize they are not for you but you've already built some sort of chat relationship. It's important to make sure you can communicate properly with the other person but you aren't looking for a pen-pal.

Good luck!

At February 26, 2006 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A few tips from a much less experienced person:

Before the date, set your goal to 'have a good time'. It's somehow a logical way to measure the success of a date. Try to avoid making it like a job interview. Background is a good starting point for talking to a new person, but views and values come up in casual discussion about random things.

These things make the dates more enjoyable. I have no idea if they contribute to the long term success.


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